How to Be Your Own Best Lover

While loving and nurturing ourselves is natural, it’s not always common in a society that profits on people’s insecurities and self-judgments. Connecting with our Pleasure can feel awkward or overwhelming at first, as we learn to give ourselves the things we’ve been conditioned to source from others (sensual Pleasures, unconditional Love, emotional attention, Beauty…).

The real fun is that once we become accustomed to regularly giving these essential “nutrients” to ourselves (claiming Self as Lover first), we’re more free to Love others, savor partnerships, and enjoy all life has to offer!

We may also find that the persistent voice inside many of us who whispers, “this isn’t enough, I’m not satisfied”, fades as we learn to trust that we ourselves will consistently show-up in self-care, Love, Pleasure, excitement and Beauty for us.

Here are some helpful tips for claiming yourself as your own best Lover:


1. Be Patient.

When we first begin listening to our authentic desires, they can feel overwhelming. This is totally normal. Many of us have been conditioned to shut out our desire and try to gain satisfaction externally, rather than give it to ourselves. Observe any conditioned or knee-jerk reactions to deny yourself Pleasure or attempt to source that pleasure from someone else. Now is an exciting time of giving this to yourself! Focus on pleasure practices and let yourself get curious about your desire & where it wants to lead you.

2. Remember that abundance creates abundance. Some women fear that if they fill their own “pleasure-cup”, there won’t be room in their lives for a mate. Overflowing with Pleasure simply means you’ll have more to share and offer! Authentically feeling good is always a gift for yourself and those around you. When you engage in regular self-care practices, you experience more love, Pleasure, and peace. This translates over to more satisfying relationships.


3. Don’t numb out! 

Know that the more you trust your desires, the more trustable they’ll become. Rejecting self-care, ignoring your desire, or avoiding asserting healthy boundaries are all forms of numbing out. Experiment with allowing yourself to feel & gently taking action. You’ll feel more cared for, & as a bonus, more energized, turned-on and inspired.



Remember that being your own Best Lover begins with you. Practice giving yourself the essential nutrients of self-care & self-Pleasure daily, and watch your life transform.