Wild fury backed up into my throat, threatening to explode me into Medusa-on-fire. I was driving (Holy Moly) when he broke the news, yet I managed to roll the tires off into the sand on the side of the riverbed. “A nice place to explode,” said some snarky bitch inside me, while the rest of me braced for the outburst that was about to blow the top off my pressure cooker.
A Blood-curdling primal scream let loose – apparently through my throat. Then sobbing came over me with wracking, wrenching shudders. Yet somehow I stood straighter than ever, with tears and snot streaming down my face, my whole body tingling and alive. My body belonged to some bigger Her that was the real Me. And with a growling voice of a Tigress, I spoke brutal truths to him I had been denying even myself for months previously.
My “mommy self” – the one trained to be careful with men, to not be too overpowering, to stay in control – was mortified. Here I was – blasting him with a fire hose of rage beyond what I thought men could handle. And the look on his face was one of rapt adoration, longing, and respect. A look I had not seen on him in quite a while. In this moment, I realized that by holding back my truth, I’d been holding back my Beauty – from myself – and from the world.
What did I learn there? Beauty is not the skin, the appearance, the toned perfect bod. Instead, Beauty is what emanates when truth, emotional honesty, and unbridled power move through us as the open channels of creative force we are built to be as women.
In the wake of this (and other) instances proving this point, I have made channeling raw power, unbridled emotional intelligence, and truthful messages my art.
What does “channeling” mean? Well, have you ever had an instance where you said something brilliant, and you didn’t know where it came from? Have you ever felt yourself express something, while feeling your expression was something moving through you, and not from you? To me, that’s channeling: literally allowing myself to be a channel for something bigger to move through.
It doesn’t mean I lose all control, or that I’m being possessed, not any more than when you had those moments of inspired messages or ideas coming through you. It’s more like improvising: allowing inspiration & magic to move on through, and creating some art. And my personal gift is to channel deep feminine wisdom – like a translator.
So flash forward to ten years after that yelling-at-the-partner incident. I am sitting on a sumptuous down-stuffed throne-chair, facing a select group of creative and influential executives. My body feels hot inside. My voice is speaking with an authority that is moving through me. I hear myself speaking secret information that only these men are privy to, and I experience myself as a channel of wisdom beyond my own knowing.
From inside myself, I witness these men, legs uncrossed, eyes closed, mouths relaxed open, listening with their whole bodies to the transmission as well as the words that are pulsing through me. It amazes me, yet it feels natural for me. Channeling wisdom has become my art. I am honored to serve as a modern Oracle for these leaders who create in devotion to serving the highest good for people and planet. I am honored to feel the power of truth flooding through my body.
And I feel Beautiful.
Actually, as I channel, I feel myself embody Beauty, itself. I ponder that this is what being Beauty-full really is all about. And I can sense that embodying Beauty is an option for any of us to do – at anytime.
I believe we are all built to channel. I have witnessed women “channel” wisdom and nurturing in so many moments. When we are relaxed, safe, and free to express – don’t we all naturally channel in our own unique ways? I’ve witnessed dancers channeling through inspired movement. I’ve seen moms nurse their babies, singing, with pure divine grace pouring out through their eyes and faces. I’ve witnessed survivors, advocates, and protesters glowing with the radiant righteous rage of justice borne of experience. And all of these women, to me, in that moment, were radiantly Beautiful – because of what poured through them.
So as women, I like considering what we need to give ourselves, to be relaxed enough to radiate and “channel” our natural gifts into the world. I know for me, I have been afraid of channeling. I seemed to hold fears in my body – memories of being attacked, killed, or used and discarded for this profound gift. I have learned that I need to feel safe, welcomed, and at purpose. I need to know I am sharing the gift in a place where it is utilized for the highest good, and not just for greed, profiteering, or political gain. And I am still somewhat amazed when my channeling gift is truly accepted, honored, and received in this modern world.
But it is time, I believe, for the feminine gifts of channeling Beauty through us to rise and be utilized in this world. And I must say, it does seem to work. As I completed the recent oracle session with those executive guys, I felt myself coming back into “normal” consciousness, and immediately I felt that old fear. Will they just toss me away now? Will they respect me for what I just did? Am I safe?
And guess what? I was surrounded by these men of dignity and influence, who all just wanted to make sure I was taken care of and nourished. Somewhere inside my oldest wounds, I had expected these powerful men to discard me once my message was complete. But that was not this lifetime. This time, the flow of Beauty is welcomed, and honored. They bring me water. They feed me snacks. They thank me profusely.
They look at me with some mixture of relief, gratitude, and awe. YES, I think, this is what honoring a woman’s true Beauty and power looks like. Aha. It is a new time indeed. And it’s time for feminine wisdom to emerge.
In respectful places, this is how the Beauty-full are appreciated and honored. And it has nothing to do with my looks. It is my ability to channel emotion and truth without reservation. It is my willingness to allow Beauty herself – the big She – to move through me.
Have you witnessed those wise elder women who carry themselves with open channels through their later years, embodying grace and integrity? Are they less wrinkled, less chubby, less droopy? No. However, their light shines through their eyes with a twinkle. Beauty is what flows through them. And they continue to welcome Beauty to flow through, which only ripens and deepens their Beauty with time.
Perhaps some of us continue to be held back by fears of being torched, ridiculed, or rejected for standing as channels of feminine power, thereby cutting ourselves off from our Beauty. Whether we have the gift of channeling healing, wisdom, teaching, art, or something else, every woman has the option of opening themselves wide and allowing the unbridled expression of inspiration to pour through. And I do believe that the more we allow ourselves to be conduits of creative force, the more we are Beauty-full.
To hear Mellissa Seaman’s full interview on True Beauty, & How to Open Your Creative Channel, click the audio link below:
Mellissa Seaman is a lawyer-turned-shaman and a channel for feminine wisdom & intuitive guidance. She is the author of the forthcoming book Creative Conduit: The Art of the Intuitive Innovator. Find more of her at www.MellissaSeaman.com.