It doesn’t matter how you look during sex – it’s all about how you feel.
In modern society, tremendous pressure regarding how to be sexy or feel attractive as a woman is placed on body image and how you should (or shouldn’t) look.
This CRAZINESS is exactly the kind of thinking that keeps you in fantasyland, waiting to achieve some external goal before you claim your pleasure in the bedroom.
A NOTE: in many instances having physical goals for health and fitness can be productive and beneficial for women. But if these goals become obsessions that are distracting you, causing you to feel bad about yourself, or making you wait to access the pleasure that is living inside of you RIGHT NOW, then it’s time to reevaluate your approach!
Sexually, men are wired more visually when it comes to arousal, thus is makes sense that so much media and advertising is driven by visual female sexual appeal.
However, even though there may be some prototype of a sexy pinup woman, what’s actually the sexiest to any flesh and bones man is a REAL woman who is REALLY TURNED ON.
NOT a woman who is so obsessed with how she’s looking during sex that she’s completely distracted from being present and/or experiencing the depths of her pleasure.
SO, SIMPLY PUT:
Its possible that if you focus on how you look all the time it’ll bring you temporary experiences of joy and pleasure… but these experiences will be short-lived and always require more energy-expenditure to look “more perfect,” “more thin,” “more sexy,” etc.
Whereas, feeling the pleasure originating inside of you and allowing it to radiate out to the surface of your skin is a skill that’s sustainable and will actually GIVE you more energy and pleasure, more consistently and reliably.
Everything is always changing — especially our physical body — so if you can learn to feel pleasure inside, without needing your outside appearance to be “perfect”, then there’s a much better chance that you’ll enjoy yourself sexually wherever you are, however you look.
When you do this you’ll be able to let internal pleasure and satisfaction be consistent guiding forces in your sexual expression.
Self-Pleasure is KEY: “You are your Own Best Lover.”
This topic piggybacks off of #1: to experience amazing sex you don’t need to wait for anyone else! Seriously… Sex with YOU is where it all starts.
Many women are waiting for Don Juan, the Greatest Lover in the World, to swoop in from some romance novel and give them the mind-blowing orgasms, love and connection they’ve secretly been waiting for their whole lives…
Guess what? Don Juan is a fantasy and a metaphor for this Lover archetype that’s already living INSIDE OF YOU.
This internal Lover already knows ALL THE SECRETS OF YOUR PLEASURE and is lying dormant under the surface, waiting to give you the pleasure and sexual delight you’ve been craving.
We’re sorry if this sounds like a let down, but its actually very good news that YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST LOVER.
This doesn’t mean that if you learn to make love to yourself in a truly satisfying way, you’ll block your chances of having a gratifying connection with a partner (some women actually fear this). Quite the contrary! In fact, if you know how to make love to yourself in a satisfying way, you’re much more likely to attract a lover that can meet you at a level of mind-blowing sex, and take it even further.
Of course having great sex with a partner is different than having great sex on your own, but one is not “better” than the other. Likewise, partner sex can never be a substitute for the gift we give ourselves through solo sex.
Even if you have a partner, learning to give yourself pleasure will only make you more confident in the bedroom, giving you more ways of sharing sexual ecstasy with your lover. It will also give you the ability to express what you want so you can actually GET IT.
Men love it when you know how to ask for what you want in sex.
If you’re expecting a man to teach you everything you need to know about having amazing sex, and how to experience the utmost heights of pleasure in your body, then you might be waiting for a very long time.
This doesn’t mean that there aren’t men out there who are amazing lovers — of course there are!
However, the point is that you can’t expect anyone else to take responsibility for something that you really can only give yourself.
Even if you and a new partner have incredible sex at the beginning of a relationship, oftentimes after all the “new love hormones” wear off, the amazing sex diminishes.
This is no time to despair! This can be a healthy, natural phase of relationship that’s actually an invitation for you to take your pleasure back into your own hands, and then inform and guide your partner accordingly.
Men like to win: in sports, in business, in life, and especially in SEX.
Many women are afraid they’ll emasculate their man, upset him, or embarrass him if they give him guidance during sex. So instead of communicating in the bedroom, you might find yourself sacrificing your needs, numbing out, or finding some way of sidestepping vulnerable communication. However, sacrificing what’s true for you never pays off in the long run. How satisfying is it, really, when you grit your teeth and wait for sex to be over, possibly faking an orgasm or two?
As women, the vast majority of us have been in some version of this scenario, whether we consciously chose to not speak our needs in the bedroom or just didn’t know how to begin. This simply cannot go on!
When you try to protect your man’s feelings by not telling him what feels good, or what DOESN’T feel good, you’re actually NOT protecting ANYONE. You’re certainly not honoring your body or your own pleasure, and you’re definitely not honoring your man. Your man wants to WIN in sex with you. So if you know what feels good — tell him! And if you know when something DOESN’T feel good — tell him!
Even if it feels awkward in the moment, good sex in the long-run always benefits from open communication between lovers. And if you tell your lover how to win with you sexually, this automatically sets precedence and gives him permission to communicate his likes and dislikes in sex too, giving you both more opportunities to pleasure each other.
Women are capable of ejaculating.
Not only that — men absolutely love it when their lovers gush this alchemical love-fluid! This doesn’t mean all women have to ejaculate, or even should — but it’s valuable for you to be educated around what your body is capable of experiencing.
Most women don’t even know that anatomically they’re wired for female ejaculation. Furthermore, of the women who have experienced it, many are confused or ashamed, not knowing what female ejaculation’s all about.
FIRST THINGS FIRST, TO DISPLACE SOME MYTHS:
What’s more, female ejaculation is extremely pleasurable for your lover. It’s possible that your lover has never experienced female ejaculation before, but if you’re comfortable with your ejaculate and willing to let it flow, he will LOVE being showered by your love juices.
(And if he has any issues with you ejaculating, then it’s time to educate him on the wonders of your body or to move on to someone who supports your birthright to experience all that your sexy woman body has to offer!)
In Sanskrit female ejaculation is called Amrita, which means “Divine Nectar.” Aren’t you curious to explore your ability to experience and share this “Divine Nectar” and supreme source of pleasure? Between your legs is a river of bliss — let it flow!
Use your Sound: “Sound Before Pleasure, Even Better.”
Most women are very quiet during sex… Whether it’s old programming from teenaged years, needing to be “quiet” as to not get caught, or in your current life not wanting the neighbors or kids to hear you, sex is often quiet if not silent. And even for the vocal ladies out there, sound is usually a byproduct of pleasure, not a cause of it.
In any case, you can benefit from learning about and exploring your sound more, and that journey can begin TODAY if you choose.
Making sound is one of the most powerful tools for moving sexual ecstasy through your body AND for getting it started in the first place.
Many women are sensitive to not wanting to “fake it”, which can wind up looking like not making any noise unless orgasm comes or pleasure takes off on its own.
What’s unfortunate about this is that MAKING SOUNDS is one of the best ways to create pleasure in the body in the first place.
By the way, you don’t have to be having sex with someone else to make pleasure sounds!
Try doing it with yourself. Before you even touch your vagina, while you stroke your hair, chest, legs, belly — your whole body — Explore making orgasmic pleasure sounds. It might seem silly at first, but the more you can let go, breathe deep, and let your sound out, the more pleasure you’ll experience. And it’s okay to laugh! These sounds can be wild and unbridled.
Get into it — no one’s watching or judging, so don’t you go judging yourself and rob yourself of the pleasurable exploration of your sexy sounds!
Without even touching yourself you can explore making orgasmic sounds right now for two minutes and see how your body feels afterward.
Close your eyes
Close your eyes and allow yourself to make sounds that feel good.
Imagine your orgasmic energy
You can even imagine orgasmic energy gathering, and make a sound that matches this orgasmic sensation as it moves throughout your whole body.
What does your body feel like now?
After a minute or so, pause and notice how the experience was for you…what does you’re your body feel like now, after only 1-2 minutes of this sound practice? Interesting, huh?
Repeat as necessary
Repeat and notice that the more you get into your orgasmic pleasure sounds, the more turned on you become.
Why wait? Try it out! In longer self-pleasure sessions or in partner sex, make your yummy pleasure sounds, and the pleasure in your body will follow.
Once your body’s feeling turned on it will only increase the pleasure sounds you’re making, opening up the marvelous pleasure-sound cycle. No need to wait, go get into it!
If you’re worried about the neighbors, don’t be! It’s good news when we hear lovemaking sounds through the walls. How often do we hear people arguing or yelling, but not making love? If neighbors overhear your pleasure sounds, this might inspire them to have juicier sex too — wouldn’t that be nice?
PS — If you’re not buying this last tip, you can always put some music on, or place your mouth on a pillow to muffle your sounds — but remember, “Silent sex is Stifled sex,” so don’t stifle your pleasure! Find a way to let your inner lover ROAR!