It seems like a lot of sex educators and sex-positive people spend ample time trying to make sex Okay for people. They discuss how sex is a natural part of being human. They give explanations that are understandable in our backwards society, outlining how it’s normal to have erotic urges, as if the raw, natural sexual part of us needs justification in order to be given any level of validity and value!
But… what if sex was just okay?
Isn’t our sexuality intrinsically valuable? Aren’t our sexual-selves valid without any “ifs”, “whys”, or “buts”? What would it look like if we all began from the baseline that sex is not only fundamentally Okay, but it just IS, and it doesn’t require any justifications or elevator pitches?
Sex existed long before we got here, and will exist here long after we’re gone. Rather than talking about how natural, pure, and beautiful sex is (talk which often smacks of some sort of defense and pushback against a dominant culture that suggests otherwise), how about we simply Live it?
For a lot of us this might sound nice, but we grew up in a culture that’s taught us, from our most formative years, to view sex as Sinful. We’re trying to make sex Okay out of a reaction to society telling us it’s Not.
Re-coding these shame-laden imprints takes patience and diligence. Like every change, it starts with simple choices: What if every day we woke up and chose to feel connected to our erotic nature? If we were able to express our sexual selves without any disclaimer, explanation, or apology?
We don’t have to talk about how pure and cute baby animals are – they just are. Is it possible that the degree to which we talk about how natural sexuality is, is the degree to which we are secretly harboring shame and still turning to our external environment with hopes that we’ll be permissioned into our sexual freedom? Maybe this looks akin to, “I’m going to state that sex is Okay so that you intellectually agree with me… And once you agree with me, then it will be safe enough to fully express myself.”
Will it really be any safer though?
We can talk all day long – way past the cows’ bedtime – and still circle around in a murky, timid space that’s anything but authentic to our fully expressed, sensual, sexual selves. It takes courage to fully arrive to our sensual birthright; our internal “home”.
Here at Amant we vote for sexually liberated folks, and especially educators, to take a breather from talking about how Okay sex is and instead fully step into an embodied expression of what this natural, free sexuality looks like. What the future Lovers of the world truly need are more embodied guides, of every flavor, for them to map to. It is from this place that we give other Lovers permission to expand beyond timidness, shame, and fear, to fully embody and express their own innate, natural sensuality.
And perhaps, as educators and sexually liberated beings, rather than telling us how peachy keen everything is, dig a little deeper and tell us about the parts of you that still don’t feel okay about being a sexual creature. Show this vulnerability; illuminate this very human experience we all can relate to, which supports others in their healing too.
May we all have compassion for the parts of ourselves that are still locked up and too timid to be in full sensual expression, and individually and collectively, take personal risks to live more fully, freely, and sexually alive each day.
Begin by asking yourself the following question: Since sex is fundamentally Okay and nothing I could say or do could ever change this… How do I most want to express my sensual, sexual self today?
Listen, take note, and then get out there and Live it.