Saying What you Need to Say

Sometimes we find ourselves in a bind with those we Love. We don’t quite know how to ask for what we need, or explain our most vulnerable processes. And sometimes, we don’t know how give our Partners what they’re asking for, because it feels like more then we can hold.

It can feel deeply vulnerable or even scary to show up in our shadow and be seen for all the sides of ourselves we’re still working through; all our wounds and most tender needs.

The invitation is to show yourself anyways.

Show up fully and unapologetically as you, exactly as you are. Holding Love and courage in your heart, allow yourself to be seen in the depth of your love, your pain, your fear, and your Truth.

Here are a few tips for bringing Love into challenging communications:

1. Accept Yourself.

Taking a few deep, grounding breaths, remind yourself that you’re worthy of loving exactly as you are, and release any self-judgment. In loving the sides of yourself you’re reluctant to expose, you can shift into observer-mode, communicating with your partner from a broader, more connected space.

2. Be Responsible.

When processing conflicts with your Beloved, remember to stay with your own experience, taking responsibility for your emotions and reactions. It’s okay to share anything, but stick with “I” statements, such as “I feel this”. The moment we go into projection (aka, “you”), communication tends to shut down as our hearts don’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable. “I” statements help us remain in a space of being witnessed in our Truth.

3. Don’t Guess.

In the midst of a challenging communication, take a breath, look at your partner, and ask them, “what does your most tender heart need to hear right now?” Rather than saying what we think our partner needs to hear (which might not be accurate) ask them for what they need. Their answer might surprise you, and will certainly open channels for more authentic and heart-centered communication.

4. Get Physical.

Go for a run, hit the gym, or even make love before you talk. Exercise is a great way to process and shift emotional states. Be sure to get out there and do some form of physical activity to help you stay grounded.

Remember, like anything, navigating sensitive communications gets easier with practice. And the more we practice Lovingly articulating our needs, or deeply listening to the needs of our partners, the more we can trust in the process and deepen true Intimacy.