The boundaries of a woman’s sexuality are hotly debated. We’re bombarded by external messages dictating how we should embody our Sex, regularly being labeled at one extreme of the spectrum or the other — whether we’re “sluts”, “whores” “too much”, “frigid”, “prude”, or “goody-goody.”
Notice how not a single one of these common labels is positive? Our Sex is either too much or not enough, and the line we walk varies day-to-day based on the company we keep and the spheres of influence we occupy.
There is a solution, but it’s not necessarily easy. The trick is to reclaim our sexuality for ourselves first and foremost. It’s to get back to sexual honesty.
Sexual honesty means taking a hard look at our Sexuality: what we desire, how we express it, and where it is and isn’t in full-integrity with our deepest needs & wants. It’s about owning and expressing our most natural, authentic selves, regardless of cultural conditioning. This can initially feel very threatening as we come to face the deeper impulses behind our sensuality and the centuries of fear, shame, and suppression many women still carry in their bodies preventing them from their full expression.
Are we expressing our sexuality out of pure Love, desire & pleasure? Are we trying to reclaim our power? Are we operating out of a sense of obligation, manipulation, or control? Or suppressing our natural expression out of a fear of rejection, shaming, or even physical danger?
Sexual honesty is about freeing ourselves from the confines of culture, morality, and “appropriate” female behavior, in exchange for what feels most natural and connected to our truth: for our hearts, our bodies, and our desire. It means having the courage to openly examine all aspects of our nature and ask ourselves, “am I being real with what I truly want? Am I fully showing up as all that I am?” The liberation begins with us — no one else can give it to us.
We might be surprised with the answers that arise when we create space to hear and feel ourselves.Perhaps we feel we’re in a lovemaking rut, and are craving to make Love in new ways. We might discover that we’re drawn to a sexual experience with a different gender, or even seek celibacy to honor our sexuality in new ways. There is no right or wrong in this process.
If we move past initial fears, we can finally give voice to the timid yet persistent whisperings within us that keep crying for more: more presence, more intimacy, more connected sex, more tenderness, more creativity, more Love.
We’ll likely have to face a lifetime of cultural conditioning that’s told us sexual Pleasure is dirty, wrong, or not feminine, and begin to explore our bodies and sensuality in new ways. Whether we’re celibate, monogamous, or have multiple Lovers isn’t the point. The point is to be courageous and real in what’s right for us, walk away from the confines of dominant culture, and give ourselves permission to Love and be Loved for exactly who we are.
Radical self-Love is the path to freedom.
Sexual honesty at a deep level is an extension and expression of our truest selves. When we’re connected to our deeper desires in Life, we naturally gravitate towards sensual experiences that most-align with what’s true and nourishing for us in any given moment: honoring our needs, our dreams, and our boundaries. From this place we can express and weave through Life unapologetically, with Love, balance, and open hearts.
Try it Now:
Trust your Desire.
Close your eyes and focus on your breath for several moments. Feel that you are held and safe to express exactly what you need.
From this space of inner safety & acceptance, notice how disconnected, fearful, and resistant — or — how tapped in, trusting, and in-synch with your desire you are at this very moment.
Your sexuality needs to feel connected to desire to be authentically expressed — and when we talk about desire, it’s the deepest wants of your womb, heart, and mind all connected together. Try speaking to this aspect of yourself daily.
Fortunately, relationship to desire becomes more graceful over time with practice. The more you trust your desire, the more trustable your desire becomes.
For even more practical tips on Activating your Inner Lover, click HERE.