“I had only to open my bedroom window, and blue air, Love, and flowers entered with her.”
Both creativity and the erotic begin to sing their siren songs beyond the limits of your known domains, the familiar dimensions of your day-to-day reality, and what you think you already know about yourself. When you are feeling drab and uninspired it can be valuable to inquire into how much of your lackluster joie de vivre has to do with true exhaustion or a deficiency of some sort, verses an underlying fear of expanding past your established comfort zones.
Being bored with yourself or life certainly doesn’t feel good.
Yet how often do you actually choose (whether consciously or out of habit) this lower vibration of complacency, as opposed to risking life, as you know it, to throw yourself into the mystery of passion and creativity?
After all, we don’t have many positive role models of exalted artists or great Lovers: poor, crazy, addict-prone, and irresponsible, verses doomed, shunned, star-crossed, and tragically confused. Our models for being captivated by the Muse creatively, erotically, or otherwise do not typically entice us past the mundane trappings of daily life.
However, there can come a point where you reach the edge of the rope of your perceived comfort and how much vital life-energy you are willing to sacrifice in the name of “playing it safe.”
You begin to question how much of what you’ve been taught about being “happy” in an upstanding, responsible, adult life in the western world is actually true. You begin to crave more, or more accurately, you begin to tune into the part of yourself that has always been craving more.
Playing by the pre-mandated rules of the popular culture just doesn’t cut it anymore. You begin to see the sense of comfort and contained familiarity in your daily life as a numbing mechanism that keeps you in a state of submission and apathy versus true, deep satisfaction, and engagement.
At this turning point you may go through a phase of striking grief — for the years you’ve “lost,” for the dreams you never allowed yourself to dream, for your friends and family that seem perfectly content in their own version of caged reality, and for your fundamental aloneness that you may be experiencing for the first time.
Existential crisis or transcendental opportunity?
If you are brave enough to grieve fully — feeling every nuance of the human heart, crying all the tears you never cried as a child, inviting a symbolic death of life as you previously knew it, and befriending your solitude as something sacred and life-giving — you can then see the horizon of beginning life again upon mysterious, yet decidedly more enlivened ground.
You come to this place, standing between the threshold of life and death, becoming a vessel that births more creativity and love into the world. Simultaneously releasing attachment and control of your creations and relationships, you come to accept the impermanence of each moment and of life.
You dance, you sing, you fuck, you pray. You make love through your breath and by the currents of the moon, paving pale streams of light in the numinous night sky. You find yourself invited into moments of stillness where you can feel your bones settling down to earth, inviting your muscles to relax, creating more space for pleasure and inspiration to flow through you. You approach yourself as a mystery, like the ocean, with respect. Face forward you lean in with curiosity and reverence, repudiating complacency. Never turning your back on the majestic currents of your deeper being, you sense countless layers yet to be uncovered and expressed.
You remain open to the spontaneity of inspiration yet also involve yourself regularly in the practice of attending to activities and experiences that more readily invite the Muse to make love through you.
Like the shifting of seasons, your rituals for invoking inspiration will inevitably change; you may discover that sometimes it’s primal dance that stimulates the pleasures of the Muse, while in other moments it’s brewing a cup of tea and sitting down to write.
The specific rituals you create to invoke the Muse are less important than the regularity of your attendance. On some days it may be getting extra cozy, with the softest, baggiest garments you have caressing your body in a relaxed, lazy fashion. On others, you may realize that to seduce the Muse you must adorn yourself regally, (never mind if you are leaving the house), putting on your finest as an invitation to her inspiration.
As you pave the pathways of self-inspiration, it’s natural to feel yourself beginning to fall in love with YOU. Becoming a well of delight and insight, you source directly from within the breadth and depth of your own being and experience. Greater pleasure, greater energy, greater passion! Creativity becomes available to you as you diligently commit and recommit to carving out space and time to induce and seduce the Muse within you.
One of the reasons you might relish falling in love so much is because being in love sparks a feeling of seemingly never-ending inspiration. You are inspired to be more, to experience new aspects of life, to stretch beyond your limits, to feel more of your heart, to transcend your identity by entering into a state of union. The art created by the Muse of Lovership is the expression of love itself. You feel close to something holy. You are at once the originator and receiver of this magic flame that burns within the longing of every human heart.
There is a sense of arrival. Of finally settling into the exalted realm of bliss that so many pray for but many more miss. You feel blessed and slightly mad all at once. You dive all the way in, past the point of no return, as the Muse of Lovership obliterates your previously held plans, hopes, and fears. Delivering you to a sacred and somewhat somber experience of love. Sacred because nothing in mundane, regular life could come close to touching the majesty and ekstasis evoked through exquisitely penetrating Lovership. Somber because you sense the fleeting nature of love by recognizing the impermanence of life. You may grasp at the desire to make it last forever while simultaneously knowing that you cannot grip or hold on to something as uncontrollable as the Muse of Lovership or as love itself.
Can you hold the ominous foreshadowing of the valleys that mark the in-betweens of the high peaks of love with humor, presence, and acceptance? Can you resist the temptation to slide into fear, useless control, and needless gripping to try and make love last? Can you be merged in a state of ecstatic union, while simultaneously sober and aware — steering clear of the addiction that can come with the greed of always wanting more? Are you willing to cultivate a practice that draws upon reservoirs of self-respect and discipline, coaxing the Muse of Lovership into showering you with inspiration even when she is not readily flooding you of her own accord?
As a wise witchy woman once said, “Everyone’s grateful for a feast, but if you can find gratitude when you are starving, that’s the real trick.”
In the dead of winter, can you find appreciation for the pulse of life traveling under the cold crust of the earth, tapping the faith and inner knowing that the bloom of spring will strike again? When you seem to fall out of love with yourself, can you access gratitude for the simplest, most subtle joys: the passing of breath between your lips, the dampness of fecund earth under your toes, the pleasure evoked when you gently caress the soft skin on the inner crease of your elbow? For it is these simple moments that ultimately string together to unleash the fury of a wildly creative, passionately full, experience-rich, pleasure-laden life. A life where you are your own Muse, Lover, and Creator. A life where you consistently come back to the altar of inspiration and discovery. A life that overflows from the infinite well within, where you engage with others from a place of self-contained rapture and delight.
As you become your own Muse, the world becomes your creative canvas; life itself becomes your Lover, and everything gets enfolded into the richness of expressing the Love that You Are without limits. A wild holy force, you are a life-affirming source of inspiration and creation.
You are the Muse, you are the Lover, you are the Creator.